DEEP DIVE

Last night’s episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers featured a segment called “Tweets the Pope Didn’t Send.” The joke revolves around Pope Francis’s recent real life tweet about this year’s World Youth Day:

With her “yes”, Mary became the most influential woman in history. Without social networks, she became the first “influencer”: the “influencer” of God. #Panama2019

— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) January 27, 2019

Tapping into youth culture, the Pope pegs Mary mother of Jesus the world’s first influencer. And this is not the first time Internet culture has been used to explain the Bible. As noted by Meyers, however, the tweet has been criticized for coming across as overly informal.

So, doubling down on the idea of the Pope trying to seem trendy, Meyers rolls out several joke tweet drafts that may have preceded the Pope’s actual tweet. The bit features imaginary tweets containing generous usage of current slang terms. Below is a breakdown of the increasingly hilarious (and potentially confusing) tweets.

With his “betrayal,” Judas Iscariot proved he was salty because Jesus was lit AF. But God always finds a way to “rise” above the “haters:” the “haters” of God! #Panama2019

• Translation: Judas betrayed Jesus out of jealousy for Jesus’ extreme popularity. But God, in resurrecting Jesus from the dead, literally rose above the naysayers.

With his “turning water into wine,” Jesus was the first one to ever get a party turnt. And all his followers became the first “thirsty thots!”: the “thirsty thots” of God! #Panama2019

• Translation: When Jesus turned water into wine, it was the first time someone increased a party’s liveliness through alcohol. And all his followers became the world’s first overeager promoters.

With his “rising from the dead”, Jesus had become the first “woke bae” to ever get “canceled” and then “clap back.” And those who refused to stan him low key became the first ratchet trolls: the “ratchet trolls” of God! #Panama2019Hunty

• Translation: When Jesus rose from the dead, he became the world’s first aware (also a pun with the idea of waking from the dead) significant other to make a comeback after being publicly rejected. And those who refused to become zealous fans casually became the first inelegant smear campaigners.

Yaas Fam Jesus is a Big Mood! #Panama2019

• Translation: Hooray, close friends! Jesus is relatable!

Now the Pope’s original tweet seems pretty reverential.